May 16, 2021
Helping Others On
Their Journey Through Grief
In
the days following my wife’s death, I was engulfed with sorrow. The loss of
Dean was my total focus. We had become one. Part of me was torn away when she
died. The pain was so great I could hardly imagine life without Dean. Then, as
days turned into weeks, I began slowly to crawl out of my grieving cocoon.
As I reflected
on the early days of my journey through grief, I realized that I had not been
alone. My family had been with me. My four sons surprised me by taking turns
staying with me at night for the first two weeks. Without speaking to me about
it, they decided I need not sleep alone in my big house for a while. That was a
blessing I had not anticipated. Their wives brought me meals and assisted me in
dozens of small ways. Other family members offered comfort. I began praising
God for the difference a family makes in our lives!
My
friends were with me. Several men who have become like brothers to me stayed in
touch with me, offering their help — and encouragement. Jennifer texted me
daily with words of hope that buoyed my spirit. Pam, Leah, Frances, Coralie, Polly,
Carolyn — and many others — brought food. Dozens sent beautiful cards with
sweet notes written inside. My friends would not let me endure my pain alone!
It
dawned on me that all these friends were caring for me because we were all
brothers and sisters in the fellowship of believers, the church for which Jesus
died. My pastor, Lester Spencer, was with me. His presence and comforting
prayers made a huge difference, as did the prayers of fellow pastor Mike
McKnight. My dear friends and fellow pastors, Earl Ballard and Jimmy Allen,
were with me, loving me and holding my hand in the darkest hours. Fellow pastor Vaughn Stafford came alongside
me to keep me from falling.
Best of all, I was not alone
because my Lord, the Lord of His church, was also with me. He kept his promise
to be with me — especially in times when I could not have made it without His
strengthening presence. In the lonely nights, when the chilling silence was
overwhelming, Jesus was with me, hearing my cry and giving me the courage to
make it until daybreak. When I consider the joy of His presence, I feel like
shouting GLORY and HALLELUJAH!
After
emerging from the cave of sorrow, I realized how helpful it has been to receive
comfort from friends who had already walked through the valley of sorrow. My
friend Doug Newton, who had earlier lost his dear wife Gaynelle, called several
times to assure me I could make it. It was enormously comforting to receive
words of hope from a friend who understood my agony — because he had been
through that lonesome valley himself. My friend Billy Gaither had lost his
precious Carolyn and, like Doug, he could identify with my grief and offer the
same comfort Doug gave me. Billy made me aware of the difference a good book
can make in times of grief; he sent me a helpful one titled Good Grief by
Granger E. Westberg. My own church sent me a fine book titled A Time to
Grieve by Kenneth C. Haugk. It is one in a series
called Journeying Through Grief.
Martha
Hill is another friend whose comfort has blessed me because she too has made
her way through the valley of sorrow. She reached out to me with solid comfort,
doing what Saint Paul said we should do for one another. In Second Corinthians
1:3-4 Paul wrote: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our
troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we
ourselves have received from God.” After the devastating death of her
husband, Hoyt, Martha began comforting others with the comfort she had received
from God.
Like
me, Martha found her church, Trinity UMC in Opelika, a great source of comfort.
The fellowship of believers was so important to Martha that on the next Sunday
after Hoyt’s death, she was in church, worshiping with her brothers and sisters
in Christ. “It helped me so much I looked forward to being in church every
Sunday,” Martha said. Her church provides a significant ministry for grieving
persons — a 13-week GriefShare group fellowship
called “Your Journey from Mourning to Joy.” Martha found this group recovery
experience most helpful.
Martha
is quick to point out the that Bible is our greatest resource for grief
recovery. She loved it so much that she memorized helpful verses like Hebrews
13:5, John 14:27, Psalm 30:5 and Psalm 27:1. I would add to her list one of my
favorites — Psalm 147:3 – “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their
wounds.”
As
she slowly recovered from her sorrow, Martha felt the Lord leading her to offer
comfort to others who were grieving the loss of loved ones. Guided by her
pastor, Martha patiently waited for God to show her what to do. The answer came
when her friend Cordelia’s husband died. As she offered loving support to her
friend, the two of them decided to begin a ministry together — offering comfort
to others who had recently become widows. They were so blessed by their
ministry that they expanded their visitation to homebound persons in their
church. Their reward was great joy, Martha said.
Martha’s
greatest surprise during her grief journey was that she was able to survive the
loss of her husband and, despite living alone, find joy in a life of service to
others. Looking back, Martha said she realized this was not something she
achieved, but something the Lord accomplished by providing her the comfort and
strength to carry on instead of feeling sorry for herself. “The more I tried to
comfort others, the more the Lord blessed me,” Martha said. “Instead of falling
apart, I fell into the privilege of serving others in the name of Jesus.”
Martha,
I believe, has found one great secret for recovering from grief — find ways to
help others who are struggling with sorrow. With the Lord’s help and guidance,
I am going to follow Martha’s example. + + +