February 14, 2021
She was my valentine for 71 years
Since
my wife died in December, friends have been telling me that the burden of grief
will become lighter with the passage of time. That is surely true for me, but
not because “time heals.” Time does not heal but the passing of time allows one’s
perspective to change. I sense that my sorrow has become more manageable
because my grief is gravitating toward gratitude.
Two
months after the shock of Dean’s death, I am now able to stand back and look at
“the big picture.” Dean was six months past age 88. We were married 68 and a
half years. We enjoyed good health most of those years. We lost our first child
to leukemia at age three, but God gave us four more fine sons who became our
pride and joy. We lived to see 12 grandchildren and 15 great grandchildren.
With Dean by my side cheering me on, I have preached the gospel of Christ for
70 years. Only a fool would not be profoundly thankful for the blessings we
shared together!
For
many years I have loved the popular song, “One Day at a Time.” It reminds me
that life is best lived one day at a time. Seize the day. Enjoy the day. Don’t
fret about yesterday’s hardships. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Live today to the
fullest. This was the way Dean lived. She was devoid of pessimism and always
optimistic. If it was raining when we woke up, she would still repeat her most
quoted remark: “Oh what a beautiful day it is!”
I had
a good laugh the other day when the spokesperson for Social Security called to
inform me that Dean had not been employed enough quarters to qualify for the
$255 burial benefit. I laughed out loud, remembering that Dean had spent her
life thankful for the honor of being not a housewife but a homemaker. From day
one she was totally dedicated to making our home a haven of blessing and a
place of peace – and the Lord crowned her effort with success! When we did not
have two nickels to rub together, she picked wild flowers out of a ditch and
made a beautiful centerpiece for our dinner table. She could make a can of Spam
taste like a beef roast, surrounded by onions, carrots and potatoes. I am sure
the good woman on the phone did not understand why I responded to her
announcement with a hearty “Thank God!”
I
began asking Dean to “be my valentine” when we were 17, three years before our
marriage. So, she was my valentine for 71 years. I gave her a box of
chocolates. A few years ago, instead of a valentine card, she copied on a sheet
of paper a picture of a man’s hands placing an engagement ring on a woman’s
finger. Below it she typed this message: “This I will remember, when the rest
of life is through: the finest thing I have ever done is simply loving you.”
She signed it: “Dean.” I was speechless; I just hugged her and hoped she did
not see my tears. As I held her I was thanking God for His kindness in allowing
one so undeserving to be loved by such a remarkable woman. Hallmark will
survive but this year they will miss the sale of one lovely valentine card –
and at least a small box of chocolates.
As I
reflect on the big picture of our life together, I realize that gratitude is
overcoming my sadness in losing her. That must be what it means to grieve in
faith, to be sustained by the promises of God instead of being crushed by sadness.
Living with Dean, one day at a time, made every day exciting. I want to
illustrate by sharing the gist of a message she delivered in our church five
years ago. I had asked her to speak one Sunday (she refused to call it
preaching) and she spoke, without notes, on this theme: “Getting the Most Out
of Life.”
Standing beside the pulpit (she would not stand behind it: “I am not a preacher
but a witness”), she began by saying, “Today is a beautiful day! It is all we
have and we will never have this day again. If you woke up breathing, you can
make this a good day. You can start with your face. Don’t settle for a frown
when you can offer others what Robert Louis Stevenson called a ‘glorious
morning face.’” She then quoted from memory these few lines from Stevenson:
If I have faltered more or less
In my great task of happiness;
If I have moved among my race
And shown no glorious morning face;
If beams from happy human eyes
Have moved me not; if morning skies,
Books, and my food, and summer rain
Knocked on my sullen heart in vain:-
Lord, thy most pointed pleasure take
And stab my spirit broad awake….
She took us into the Gospel of John,
reminding us of the words of Jesus: “I have come that they may have
life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” Then, lacing her
thoughts with scripture, she spoke of five things we need to do to get the most
out of life:
1. Live life abundantly! Jesus came so that you can live life
to the full. He does not want you to live a drab, boring life. Life is
difficult but despite the hardships, by trusting Jesus we can enjoy an abundant
life.
2. Love deeply! Peter reminds us that love
covers a multitude of sins. Since none of us is perfect, we need to offer one
another forgiving love that covers our sins.
3. Offer hospitality freely! What a great joy is ours when we open
our hearts and our homes to others in the name of Jesus. We say “Come in!” to
those who come to our door. Come and enjoy our fellowship with Jesus. Let us
learn and grow together.
4. Use your gifts gratefully! Make this world more beautiful by
your offerings. Plant flowers. Bake a cake for a friend. Sing a song. Play the
piano. Whatever gifts you have been given, use them to bless others and thank
God for the privilege!
5. Serve others joyfully! Pick up a broom, a mop, a hoe or
a shovel and sing while you help somebody. Never serve the Lord with a sad
face. Do what the Psalmist said to do: “Serve the Lord with gladness; come
before His presence with singing.”
That was not just a 5-point talk. It was
the way Dean lived, day after day, one day at a time until the Lord called her
home. The more I remember this, the more grateful I become for the privilege of
living a long life with her. Precious memories then become more than
sentimental remembrances; they allow gratitude to overpower my sadness and give
God a chance to heal my broken heart. Believe me, I am ready to experience what
Jeremiah heard God say He could do: turn my mourning into gladness and give me
comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
Such
healing, of course, does not usually happen overnight. So, I wait patiently
with hope, trusting God as the songwriter says,
One day at a time, sweet Jesus
That’s all I'm asking of You
Just give me the strength to do every
day
What I have to do
Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
God help me today
Show me the way
One day at a time
+ + +