December 26, 2021
We Met in the Cemetery
Thursday,
December 16 was the first anniversary of the death of my wife, Dean. As we
neared that date, my four sons, their wives and I decided to meet in the
cemetery at four o’clock to commemorate that sad event together. Our game plan
was simple. We shared, sang and prayed, laid flowers on the grave, and then
enjoyed supper at a restaurant together. Afterward we agreed it was a unique
and beautiful experience.
We
knew, of course, that Dean was not in that grave. Only Dean’s body, the shell
in which her soul had lived, was there. When Dean’s body died, her soul was set
free to enjoy the gift of eternal life her Lord Jesus promised her when by
faith she became a child of God. No one in our family has used the phrase,
“Rest in Peace,” when we think of Dean. While we know she is at peace with God,
we feel sure she is not “resting” now but full of life, celebrating the joy of
her Savior’s Presence in “a house not made with hands.”
We
met in the cemetery not to share our sorrow but to speak of how the Lord had
helped each of us deal with our first year without Dean’s physical presence
among us. Steve, now 57, spoke of how the void created by his mother’s death
was being filled with memories that bring laughter and tears. When Steve said,
“I miss my Mom,” he expressed the heartache we all shared while acknowledging
that memories of “Granny Dean” are helping to fill the void in our lives.
Mark
spoke of his gratitude that Mom had become his best friend during the year he
stayed in our home following back surgery. “She loved me just like I was,
always encouraging me and helping me believe in myself. I’ve spent the last
year talking to Mom in heaven and thanking her for all she did for me. I thank
the Lord every day for Mom and for helping me become the man Mom always
encouraged me to be.”
Amy,
Steve’s wife, spoke of Dean’s many talents, especially the gift she had for
making people feel special. “She always made me feel special and I saw her
doing that all the time for others. I miss her love, laughter, reflections
about life, her hugs and smiles. She was one of my best friends.”
Karen, Tim’s
wife, shared her admiration for Dean’s generosity. “That was one of her best
qualities. Whenever she saw someone with a need, she always wanted to help. It seemed
like it was impossible for her not to jump in and try to do something to help
others.”
Tim shared that he had thought
more about heaven this year than ever “because I know that is where Mom is.”
And he said, “I have thought more too about my legacy because I realize that
Mom left such a wonderful legacy for all of us. Tim got our attention by asking
if we remembered the name Edward Everett. Everett, Tim reminded us, spoke for
two hours just before Abraham Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address – in two
minutes. “It’s not the length of a speech that matters; it’s the content,” Tim
said. “And when our Mom spoke, the valuable content was always there!” Tim had
us all thanking God for the times we heard Dean speak, for she could have her
audience laughing one minute and crying the next. Her “content” was powerful.
Matt
shared how this year he had been reminded of Mom by simple things like a poem
about a tree or Stevenson’s poem about how he loved to swing high on a swing. “I
could be in my daily routine when something she said to me years ago came to
mind. For me Mom was the Equalizer. Whenever things became unbalanced in our
family, she did whatever was necessary to stabilize the situation. I miss her
advice, her humor, her no-nonsense attitude when it was time to be serious, and
her hugs. She showed me how to love like Jesus and how to love others
unconditionally. I hear her every Sunday reminding me, ‘If you are going to
talk about my Jesus, you need to be ready to do your best.’ God is helping me
with my sorrow by reminding me of important things Mom said.”
Cathy, Mark’s wife, shared
a precious memory of Dean befriending Cathy’s young grandson Brody. Dean asked
Brody to help her start a fire in the fireplace. Brody gladly helped Dean as
she taught him how to place the logs and start the fire. “Brody sat beside her
and talked a while and Dean loved that,” Cathy said. We were all remembering
with teary eyes how Dean loved to help children put on a “smiling face.” Cathy,
who has been in our family for six years now, touched us deeply when she said,
“I loved Dean like my second Mom.”
Tammy, Matt’s wife, shared
how she had been inspired by the way Dean handled the grief of our son’s death.
“She spent her life trying to bring joy to the lives of other children. Dean
showed us how to handle grief.” Tammy has inspired our family by the way she
has handled the grief of her own life.
I shared a verse sent me
that day by my friend Ed Williams – Proverbs 3:15 – “She is more precious than
jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.” I urged my sons to
believe that about their wives and to care for them as the precious jewels that
they are. Dean was, indeed, the most precious jewel of my life.
I thanked the boys and
their wives for the way they have cared for me. I could not have made it
through this year without the encouragement they provided. I admitted to them
that whenever I began feeling sorry for myself, rambling around in our big
home, I could hear Dean saying, “Walter, you can’t go there; God still has lots
for you to do, so dry your tears and get busy doing things for others who are
hurting.”
At Dean’s grave we sang
one song, a chorus based on Psalm 63:3 – “Because thy lovingkindness is better
than life, my lips shall praise thee.” That about sums up why we met in the
cemetery – to let our lips praise the Lord for the legacy of a godly woman
named Dean, the wife, mother and friend we all loved more than you know. + + +