Altar Call –Opelika-Auburn News
Walter Albritton
July 22, 2018
The gift of understanding
When we are hurting
because of a mistake we have made, we seldom want answers from our family or
our friends. Solutions to the common problems of life are a dime a dozen. We
don’t want anyone to explain what we should not have done – or what we ought to
do.
Cruel questions can
be devastating. “Why on earth did you do such a stupid thing?” “Have you lost your
mind?” Cutting questions push us deeper into the hole of shame we have already
dug for ourselves.
What we want – and
need – is understanding. That understanding is a precious gift was brought home
to me recently by a good friend. When I shared with him my disgust with myself,
he was neither critical nor judgmental. He simply said, “I understand how you
feel.” Those few words lifted my spirit.
Understanding does
not cure our self-despising but it does give us hope that we can recover. It
helps us begin the slow and painful process of climbing out of the deep hole of
embarrassment.
When it comes to the
mistakes of others, we have options. We can respond with indifference,
criticism or understanding. Truth is, we are all capable of being insensitive.
We can hurt the feelings of others without intending to do it. And we can make
matters worse by quickly condemning others when they have been foolish,
careless or thoughtless.
That explains our
basic choice: condemnation or understanding. We had best leave condemnation to
the court and choose to offer others understanding. Condemnation does little to
change behavior; understanding does. People need it; we all need it. And when
understanding is flavored with a bit of encouragement, it can work like a tonic
to help heal our shame.
Failure, illness,
loss of a job, divorce or the loss of a loved one can trigger despair in the
best of us. None of us is immune from the perplexities of life. When despair
settles in, the last thing we need is the stern advice to "stop feeling
sorry for yourself." Such counsel only deepens the gloom into which we are
settling.
Since it is hard for
a free fish to understand a hooked fish, we should all be slow to respond, with
words, to a hurting person who reaches out to us. Listening is often more helpful
than speaking. Assumptions, based on little information, may not be wise. If we
are not presently caught in the web of heartaches, we may be tempted to offer
quick cures to hurting friends. What sometimes works wonders is to keep all of
your marvelous solutions to yourself and simply say, "I understand.” And
perhaps, “If you want to talk, I am here to listen.”
Recovery and healing
take time. Few of us recover quickly from harsh experiences that "cut us to
the quick." We need time, understanding, and the gentle caring of
significant others. Words are not enough. Medicine is not enough. People
need people. Even Robinson Crusoe needed someone.
Most of the time, a
new beginning is quite impossible without the aid of one or more understanding friends.
So we may all share in the healing of wounded persons. We can do this not
occasionally but every day by offering gentleness, kindness and understanding
to the people around us. We can stop harping about what’s wrong and focus
on what’s right with the folks around us. And we dare not forget that sooner or
later we will need the help that others can give us.
You may think of
yourself as tough, self-reliant and strong. You may think that you don't need
anybody. You can make it on your own. Maybe, but I doubt it. Chances are you
are made like the rest of us. And you will be ahead of the game if you give up
the macho attitude and admit you cannot make it on your own. Why? Because God
has not made anybody who does not need the gift of understanding. It is surely
one of the most precious gifts we can offer to one another! + + +