Altar Call – Opelika-Auburn News
Walter Albritton
February 28, 2010
You can refuse to let hurt feelings ruin your day –
or your life
It ruins your day when you allow
someone to hurt your feelings. But it happens. When it happens to me I feel
absolutely wretched. I wish I could fly
to Spain and disappear. But getting away does not lessen the pain. And chances are I will have to endure that
pain again simply because I am a human being. Getting your feelings hurt is a
universal experience. It happens to everybody.
People are the problem. There are
some strange dudes in this world. For every normal person, like you and me,
there are half a dozen who enjoy making the rest of us miserable. They get a
kick out of offending others. And these folks are here to stay. They are part
of life and we have to learn how to deal with them.
So what can we do to help
ourselves when we feel wounded by the behavior or comments of other people?
Here are a few ideas I find helpful:
Remain cool. Keep your mouth
shut. Don’t make matters worse by making an angry retort that you may regret. This will allow your offender to stew in the
juice of their own insulting words.
Keeping your cool will also give
you a chance to mull over what you just heard. Try to give the other person the
benefit of the doubt. Perhaps the offender was not really trying to rattle your
cage. Make an effort to believe that the person’s barb was not hurled at you.
If you are convinced that the
hurting words were truly directed at you, then try to excuse the offender for
some reason that makes sense. Perhaps the person has hemorrhoids or is stressed
out because of personal problems at home. Maybe colleagues at work have been
giving him a bad time and he is just angry with the whole world.
Try to figure out what motivated
the attack upon you. Have you made some remark that may have triggered the
offender’s anger? Has your attitude toward the person been hostile lately? Rather
than put all the blame on the other person, make an honest effort to determine
if you helped to create the problem.
You do have a problem. But though
it troubles you, you have total control over your reactions. So refuse to feel
sorry for yourself. Choose not to nurse your hurt feelings. By doing so you
could make a mountain out of a molehill.
Yes, your feelings were hurt; but
you can get over it. Grab yourself by the nap of the neck and start putting
this problem behind you. Bounce back and do it now. Choose not to allow the
acid tongue of another person to ruin your day – or your life.
Now take a good look at your
shirt sleeves. You may be wearing your feelings on your sleeves. If you decide
that is true, then ask the good Lord to give you a tougher skin, like the hide
of an elephant. Decide that in the future you will not be so easily offended.
Forgive the person who hurt you. Do it in your
heart first. Then, if it seems necessary, speak to the person. You could say, "What you said hurt me, but
I don’t want that to destroy our friendship. If I did or said something that
prompted your remark,
then I ask you to forgive
me."
Whatever your response do not
begin sending cryptic messages to the offender. It is a waste of time to send hidden
messages in the hope that someone can read your mind. If you must speak, then
speak but do so graciously. Leave the barbs for the fence. Speak truthfully,
but speak in love. Otherwise you may succeed in making an enemy.
If offering forgiveness seems difficult
for you, then beware. You may have become the “holier-than-thou” person you say
you despise. It is risky to wrap the
cloak of innocence around yourself and assume that the other person is the
hateful offender.
The truth more likely is that you
are not innocent. You offend people too. You can speak carelessly or sharply
when you are suffering from heartburn or some other agitation. Because you also
can be offensive, you can forgive those who offend you.
Do yourself a big favor by
refusing to tell other people about the incident. It only gets worse when you
tell your friends about the terrible way someone has hurt your precious
feelings. If you keep the matter to yourself, you will not
drag your friends into a problem which none of them can solve for you. Wait
until you have a REAL problem to seek the comfort of your friends.
Finally, move on. Focus on the
beautiful things in your life. Life is too short to spend time wrestling with
issues that have no eternal value. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy
life. Live. Laugh. Love. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. And never give another person the privilege
of hurting your feelings. No one can do it without your permission! + + +