Altar Call – Opelika-Auburn News

Walter Albritton

February 8, 2004


Dog stories are like blue sky on a dreary day


          Spare me from living in a world without good dog stories. I will walk a mile to hear a good story about a dog. To be honest, I am suspicious of people who do not enjoy dog stories. A good dog story can break in upon a dreary day like blue sky pushing dark clouds aside.

            I have forgotten the source of the story about the talking dog that was for sale. I just know that whoever sent it to me is high on my list of dear friends.

            Near Washington, D.C., a man spots a sign in front of a home. The sign reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, the man stops and inquires about the dog. The owner tells him the dog, a black mutt that is not very impressive, is in the backyard.

            “Do you talk?” the man asks the dog.

            “Sure do,” the dog replies.

            “So, what is your story?”

            The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my gift of talking when I was very young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders. No one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.

            “So you quit the CIA?” the man asked.

            “Yes,” the dog replied. “Jetting around the world tired me out. I was not getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.”

            The dog continued, “To make a long story short, I found a sweet wife, had a mess of puppies, and retired a few months ago.”

            The man listening to the dog is very amazed. He cannot believe what he has heard. He goes back to the front porch and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

            The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

            “Ten dollars! Man, your dog is amazing. Why on earth are you willing to sell him so cheap?”

            “Because he is a liar,” the owner says. “He didn’t do any of that stuff he told you about.”

            Another story shared with me recently is the one about a Baptist dog. I think my friend Steve dreamed this one up, but I don’t have proof that he did it. I would never do anything to embarrass the pastor of First Baptist Church, so I am reluctant to give him credit for it until he owns up to it.

            It seems that this Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel in search of the right dog. Finally they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog in to meet the pastor and his wife.

            “Fetch the Bible,” he commanded. The dog leaped to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

            “Now find Psalm 23,” he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor and, showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through the Bible, and soon pointed to Psalm 23 with his paw.

            The pastor and his wife were so impressed that they purchased the dog and took him home. That evening a group of church members dropped by for a visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses.

            The visitors were amazed. One man asked, “Can he do regular dog tricks too?”

            “I have not tried any of those yet,” the pastor replied, “but I will now.”

            “Heel,” the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor’s forehead and began to howl.

            The pastor looked at his wife in shock and gasped, “Good Lord! He is a Pentecostal!”

            My friend George Mathison told me a great dog story. Next week I will share George’s dog story with you. In the meantime, have fun. Go out tonight, howl at the moon, and let your dog wonder what on earth you are doing. If your dog starts howling with you, then you will know you have a regular old dog. If the dog shakes his head and walks away mumbling, you know you have a dog that could get a job with the CIA.        + + + +