Altar Call Ė Opelika-Auburn News
Spider webs and other things that cause me to cringe
hate to run into a spider web. I seldom see the web until it is on my face and
all over my head. That sticky stuff makes me cringe with disgust.
††††††††††† When I
realize I have run into yet another spiderís domain, my heart skips a beat as I
wonder if the spider is on me too. I can imagine that it is angry. I have
disturbed its nest. Now the tiny killer is poised and ready to slam its deadly
venom into my veins.
both my hands are busy brushing the web off my head and my clothes. All the time I am looking for the spider and wondering if the
rascal is crawling toward my ear or about to bed down in my thick hair.
Fear takes over.
minutes I will be stretched out on the ground paralyzed. No one will hear my
call for help because I cannot speak. My life will be over, taken from me by a
villain that will disappear into the grass, there to prepare for another
††††††††††† When I am
found hours later the spider web will have dissolved. No one will suspect my
cruel fate. Everyone will assume a stroke or a heart attack took me out.
Families dislike autopsies so the ugly little creature will get away with
††††††††††† The itsy
bitsy spiders I have known love to spin a web in just the right place to catch
my head. There are plenty of places where they could trap a fly but no, they
stay up all night designing a web that will be spread out in the perfect
position to entangle me.
††††††††††† So for me
three things are inevitable: death, taxes, and spider webs. I ran into one this
week. And I know it will happen again and again. Those spiders know I dislike
them and they are after me.
††††††††††† I also hate
to run into a nest of yellow jackets. They have a right to build their nests.
And I know they have to live somewhere. But why does it have to be on my land?
††††††††††† Not long
ago I was doing some work with my bush hog and sure enough, I disturbed a nest
of those stinging rascals. They let me know that they did not appreciate being
††††††††††† The tractor
was not fast enough for me to escape them so I bolted off the tractor, running
for dear life. Right then I didnít care if the tractor wound up in the next
When yellow jackets are swarming all over you, all you can
think about is getting away from them.
††††††††††† The trouble
is, they are almost impossible to outrun. So I spent the next few minutes
running, slapping, and praying. Come to think of it, maybe the Lord could get
more of us to doing some serious praying if he turned more yellow jackets loose
on us. It sure worked on me.
thing I hate to run into is a fellow who wants to argue about religion. Such
fellows are almost as plentiful as spiders and yellow jackets.
I go somebody tries to raise an argument with me about God. Most
of the time I donít bite. You can never win an argument about religion.
Nobody ever wins. People just get angry and ugly.
††††††††††† One man
told me I was going to hell because I was a Methodist. I never did find out
what he was, but whatever it was, I would not want to be one. He was the kind
of fellow who makes you almost want to go to hell if you have to be with the
likes of him in heaven. (Now, beloved, donít get alarmed; I did say ďalmost.Ē)
††††††††††† I did not
listen to him long enough to find out why he thought Methodists were going to
hell. I reckon there will be some Methodists in hell, because some Methodists
are just church members who have never been saved.† Churches canít save anyone; only God can save
people, and he only does that when people trust in his son Jesus.
††††††††††† Well, I
donít want to turn you off by getting too religious. But since I have brought
God into a spiel that began with spiders, I will close with a prayer.
please deliver me from spider webs, yellow jackets, and folks who want to argue
about religion. Amen.